Dedicated Time

Dedicated time is a mothers best friend.  That being said, "dedicated time" feels like an impossibility with little children in your life.  I'm here to say that it's not only possible, it's essential.

My father was the one that I remember first introducing me to the principle of dedicated time.  I recall it coming up when I was a young teenager and was easily distracted by so many things.  He taught me that to be successful I was going to have to learn to dedicate blocks of time to the things that were most important to me, and then give those things my full attention during that time.

I just recently began practicing this principle again out of desperation.  As moms we have so many demands on our time, attention, and thoughts that it is easy to feel mentally fragmented and frazzled.  Stay-at-home moms especially have a difficult time because we have to structure our own time and determine our own priorities.  Many people scoff at this, thinking it a luxury, and can't seem to understand why it presents such a challenge.  They envy our freedom to do what we want, when we want... and I can't blame them.  I love that freedom.

The issue is that it requires enormous amounts of self-discipline and self-motivation.  And that is particularly difficult for two reasons:  1)  Our work is not public or celebrated.  We get no praise, no stickers, no words of commendation.  Rarely will anyone see a majority of the work we do.  And 2) though our work is so incredibly important and influential, the negative consequences of our failing to fulfill our responsibilities only reveal themselves in the long run.  There are no immediate consequences to help encourage us in the right direction.

To put it in another way, our husbands who go to work or school have many important and difficult responsibilities as well.  But they have the advantage of having bosses or teachers who give them direction and priorities.  What they are required to do is usually well-spelled out for them in the course description or job-training.  If they then follow through and do what is expected of them when it is expected, they get good grades or a raise.  But even before that, they are surrounded by peers or coworkers that will easily observe their dedication and work-ethic.  Even if no one specifically compliments them for a job well-done, they are aware that others are watching.  And if they fail to fulfill their responsibilities, there are swift and severe consequences.  They might fail a class or get fired from their job.

We, on the other hand, when faced with a mountain of laundry to fold tend to ask ourselves, "Who will know if I don't do it?" and "What difference will it make?"  This is the case with almost all of our tasks and responsibilities.  It's human nature to take the path of least resistance.  But because our work is so vitally important, it is absolutely essential that we learn how to summon up the motivation and learn the discipline required to be successful.  The future of our children hangs in the balance!  And for those of us who need motivation from something a little more immediate, remember that our current happiness hangs in the balance too.

The point of all this?  One of the ways that we can help ourselves stay on-track and and on-task is by obeying the principle of dedicated time.  The problem I often find myself facing is that I know that I have a long list of things I need to do, things I want to do, things that I should do, and things that I'd love to do.  But I wake up and I don't know where to start.  I allow myself to think of that list and become so overwhelmed that I decide to just veg instead.  At the end of the day, my list still stares me down, now longer and more daunting than before.  It's a vicious cycle.

The way out is through dedicated time.  After you have sat down and determined what your priorities are and what you are going to expect from yourself everyday, (being realistic but hopeful!) look at your day and decide what each block of time is going to be dedicated to.  Here's what mine looks like:

5am to 7am     Me-time  (Study scriptures, exercise, shower, get dressed, do hair and makeup)
7am to 9am     Chore-time  (Dishes, beds, breakfast, dress the girls, tidy up, etc.)
9am to 3pm     Kid-time  (Play-school, outings, lunch, reading, singing, dancing, etc.)
3pm to 5pm     Chore-time  (Make dinner, whatever chores are still left to do)
5pm to 7pm     Family-time  (Eat dinner, watch something, talk, play, etc.)
7pm to 8pm     Bed-time  (Brush teeth, get in pj's, read scriptures, say prayers, read, sing)
8pm to 9pm     Me-time  (Study)

Now, this is the ideal.  It certainly doesn't happen like this every day.  In fact I don't know if it's ever gone exactly according to plan, but it often goes well.  Each person's day will obviously look different; it depends on so many personal factors.  The important thing to remember is to dedicate chunks of time to the things that you value most.  By looking at my routine, you can see that I value my family, the gospel, a clean home, and my sanity.  :)  So when it is chore-time, I don't worry about whether I'm giving my girls enough attention, I know that will come later.  When it is me-time, I don't have to feel selfish.  I know it's important and that I have made time for all the other things that I must do throughout the day.  When it is kid-time, I allow myself to become completely focused on them to the exclusion of everything else.  It is an extremely liberating feeling when you do it right.  It frees you from the headache-inducing anxiety-ridden feeling that so many of us suffer from.  This is what having my priorities straight looks like for me.

Of course, things will come up.  Your plans will be frustrated.  You can't control everything.  My view is that we should structure as far as we are able and then embrace flexibility from there.